Should you sleep with the guy on the first or second date? How to understand whether his intentions are honest or he wants just casual sex?
Let’s look a little deeper at the “sex on second date” rule and figure out why it doesn’t work.
Several years ago, a friend of mine said something that completely changed my views on sex and relationships. He said: “Before a woman first goes to bed with a man, she has the full power over him; after the first sex, the power is completely placed into his hands.”
Since then, I have repeated this phrase countless times, and often I hear in response, “This is SO true!” You can agree or disagree with this statement, however, one thing is clear – sex significantly changes relationships. After it, your relationship will either become deeper and stronger or turn into meaningless sex.
Most men want sex, most women want commitment. This does not mean that men do not need commitment. Of course, they need it. But it’s sex, not commitment is the driving force for them.
“a woman decides to ‘give or not give’ sex to a man, and a man decides to ‘give or not give’ commitment to a woman.”
It is essential to know one thing: it’s you who make the decision to sleep or not to sleep with the guy, and when exactly. But in any case, it will change your relationship forever.
It has long been proven that the percentage of women losing interest in a man after the first sex is negligible compared to the number of men who decide that one time is enough and they can move on.
My close friend once met an amazing guy. Smart, successful, and good-looking – an exact copy of Bradley Cooper. And most importantly, this ideal man did not demand any intimate intimacy from her neither on the first date nor on the second one.
That very ‘thing’ happened on the third date. The handsome guy did not disappoint my friend. She was happy. However, something has changed in the behavior of this man. He didn’t ask for a date, he continued to write text messages to her, but now they were full of sexual hints, and when she turned the conversation to a different direction, he could just disappear in the middle of a conversation. Their beautiful, full of romance dates turned into short meetings for the sake of casual sex.
“What did I do wrong?” A friend asked me later. Fearing to be misunderstood, I did not dare to answer her that the answer is simple: she slept with the man of her dreams too early. Yes, this was really the problem – she agreed to have sex with him before they figured out, what kind of relationship they have, what goals they pursue, what is really in common between them, and whether there is something in common at all. That’s why “second date rule” does not work.
It doesn’t matter how much time you spend together before you go to bed. What matters is how you spent this time. A girl who sleeps with a man on the first date after an evening spent for conversations full of personal and mutual revelations has much more chances for a serious relationship than the one who did not establish emotional contact with the guy after five dates.
If sex happens before emotional interpenetration, no development of the relationships will follow it.
Many women, due to upbringing, think that sex for a man is like a carrot for a rabbit. They think that with the help of sex, they can easily manipulate him and through that achieve the desired. So, you know, that’s the half-truth.
The second half is the fact that men do not appreciate what, as they think, can also be easily accessible to other men. If you sleep with a man, not having tried to get to know him closely, it makes him think that you can embark on an adventure with any other guy with the same ease. If you choose a heart-to-heart talk to get to know him better first, the man sincerely thinks that you make love t because he became special to you. Do you feel the difference?
Any women’s magazine will teach you: do not go to bed with a man, the longer, the better. But no article will say that the period of “celibacy” is given to you to get to know each other more deeply.
Just to take time, to manipulate a man, and force him chasing you is an infinitely stupid waste of time, and this will not help you build a serious relationship.
Men also love real, natural women. You will not believe how easily they see the difference between a girl who makes herself inaccessible to be able to manipulate a guy and a girl who respects herself and has not yet decided whether she is ready to go with him so far.
Remember, the sex-on-the-second-date rule does not work. You need to make sure that he wants sex with you, and not sex for sex’s sake. How long it will take, how many dates it will take? Who knows…